Interview 006: John Porter

John Porter (he/him) is a technical project manager in Issaquah, Washington. He's also an avid mountain climber who posts about his many climbs on his website and Instagram, which are both called One Hike a Week. We talked about growing up Black and Taiwanese Indigenous in rural Taiwan, coming to the US as a teenager and feeling free for the first time, and the nuances of signaling his Asian identity as someone who doesn’t always read as Asian.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

John Porter on Mount Fury

I would love to start at the beginning: When and where did you grow up, and what was it like for you to be multiracial Asian in this context?

I grew up in a remote village in central Taiwan, born to an African American father and an Indigenous mother from the Seediq tribe. My dad ended up in Taiwan through the Air Force. There were quite a few of us, believe it or not, in the mountains. Their mothers were introduced to their fathers through my mom, a socialite back in the day when she worked in Taipei, who had met several of my father's friends in the Air Force. Most of us were conceived from the mid-‘70s to early ‘80s, because that's when the US still had an Air Force base in Taiwan. But they've since withdrawn the troops, and there's no longer a base there.

So my dad met my mom in Taipei and had me. But three years later, he returned to the States, and I continued to stay in Taiwan with my mom. Later, we moved back to the village where she’s from and where all the relatives were. As a single woman raising a biracial kid, she felt it was perhaps the safest place for me to grow up.

Being biracial wasn't something I thought about often, since there were several others who were like me in the village. I was constantly afraid because of my sexual orientation, rather than my racial background, which added another layer of complexity and difficulty to living in Taiwan. As a kid, I knew I was different – not necessarily because of the color of my skin, since many people in the village shared the same complexion, so I fit in. But it was more about the side I was hiding all those years, because I would get in trouble if I ever came out to the family – which I never did, at least not until I came to the States. I thought, from watching American movies and TV, that this would be a better place for me. It just seemed more liberal and people could be whoever they want to be.

John and a childhood friend in Taiwan

I moved from Taiwan to Port Angeles, a small town off the tip of the peninsula of Washington State, where I went to high school. I felt that people there were very accepting, despite being in a small town, so that helped. It further solidified my will to leave Taiwan and be in this country because I never felt free in Taiwan. But the minute I stepped inside the airport, I shouted in my head, “I'm free.” As a 15-year-old. What did I know? But I felt I was now free from all that oppression.

In Taiwan, I spent way more energy concealing my sexual orientation than I did with anything else. Of course, I got picked on, all the typical stuff that kids go through. I hate to admit this, but I was once a bully because of that. I didn't want people to see all the layers – I didn’t want people to pick on me as a mixed kid, and I also didn't want people to find out about my sexual orientation. Since I was also physically larger than my peers, I thought, “If you ever try to pick on me, if you ever call me names, I can take you down.” That mindset went through most of my childhood. Although there were several of us in the village, I didn't feel like there was a lot of support, because we were all trying to fit in with the rest. People would taunt us and turn us against one another, which created a lot of hatred among us. Though years later, I realized that would have been the best time for us to bond. 

There was this foundation called the Pearl S. Buck Foundation – she was a writer. They set up a foundation in Taiwan, the Philippines, and Hong Kong for people like us, the mixed kids. So we had support from that. And we all had an “American family,” if you will, that would donate to the foundation, which in turn organized all these activities for us. I think that was their way of trying to make us feel included, because they knew the struggles we went through back then and the issues we were facing as biracial kids. Even to this day, Taiwan is still a reasonably homogeneous society.

John, age 8, with his mother and sister

Growing up, my immediate family and people in the village knew who I was, so I never got a second look from strangers. It wasn’t until I went to school in the city that I started getting second looks from other people. Even though I was pretty outgoing, I became relatively reserved in the city.

I had to renew my passport every five years and my residency every year as a U.S. citizen living in Taiwan. Back then, they went by your father's nationality, so I was naturalized at birth and never a Taiwanese citizen. The process of renewing my ID and passport made me feel even less attached to the country, even though I continued to embrace the culture wholeheartedly. 

I still feel a lot more Southeast Asian than Black, simply because I didn't grow up Black. I felt like I could never own that part of me. I can comfortably say I grew up in Asia and this and that. But when I interact with the Black community, I often experience imposter syndrome since I didn't grow up in the culture.

My father wanted to bring me back to the U.S. with him, but my mom wouldn't allow it. They were never married, so he planned to bring me here alone because of pressure from his family. But as a Taiwanese citizen, she won the custody battle. I vividly remember them fighting over that with a lawyer; I was five or six. Until my father left, I spoke kid’s English because he didn't speak much Mandarin. I've since met my dad's family a few times – they’re from Toledo, Ohio – but we never established a relationship.

I always wanted people to know John as someone who's multicultural and not just someone that grew up in Asia and came here later. So when people ask about my ethnicity, I don't pick sides, and I want to ensure I recognize both parts. I always tell people I'm half – part black and part Taiwanese Indigenous. And that's another thing – trying to explain to people what the Indigenous part is, because they assume you're part Chinese if you're from Taiwan. But they don't understand that there were at least 14 different tribes or ethnic groups in Taiwan before the Han people showed up on the island. I used to tell people I'm part Taiwanese and part Black, but now I want to be more specific because if I were to say Taiwanese, they would assume I'm part Han.

You said so many things that I would love to follow up on. You talked about moving to the US for high school – were you by yourself?

Yeah. The foundation I mentioned earlier found this host family, this lady. She's since passed, but man, if it weren't for her… I’m very grateful for what she did for me back then, going from a stranger to someone I started calling “Mom.” She used to be a nun, and she started adopting Black kids and mixed kids, mainly kids with disabilities. Overall, she adopted maybe thirty-some kids. On top of that, she was willing for me to come and stay with her while I attended high school. The foundation asked if I was interested because during middle school, I started acting out. I somehow knew I would not be in Taiwan much longer. So the minute the foundation contacted me and asked if I would be interested in studying abroad, I said yes, without hesitation. That's my ticket, my only way out, and I took it. I had a US passport, I was already a US citizen, and I was willing to give up everything, leave everything behind and come to this country, which I'm glad I did. And I stayed with her throughout my high school years.

John, age 11, with his sister

So you come here and you find yourself in a home with other Black and multiracial kids. What was that like for you?

It was tough linguistically, at least during the first year, because I was still learning and I would constantly misinterpret what people were saying. And I was trying to tone myself down to conceal my other identities. I became more reserved, telling myself, “Just keep it on the down low, don't ever talk about it, suppress all those feelings inside and you'll be fine.” Meanwhile, I pursued my music passion in high school and college. I thought people were more accepting in the artistic field, where I found solace, comfort, and support. I started placing more emphasis on my ethnicity and wanted to make sure people focused on that instead of something I was still hiding.

We've covered so many different aspects of your childhood, and I appreciate the nuance with which you’ve talked about it. Were there other formative events that shaped how you think about your multiracial identity?

Despite Port Angeles being a fairly white town, I never experienced anything negative racially. As I mentioned, ever since I was a kid, I’ve always fully embraced both cultures, even though I knew nothing about the Black part. It's part of me, so I never had any issue owning it, and I made sure that people knew who I was. I always made certain that I represented both sides equally.

So when you choose to identify yourself, you identify as part Black, part Taiwanese Indigenous. I love the specificity of that, and I appreciate how saying that sometimes means you have to get into a sociology or geography lesson with someone you might be meeting for the first time. Has that ever changed for you, or have you always identified in exactly that way?

Yeah. I figured if I didn't look the part, if I didn't look like the Han people, I might as well explain to people who I was to clear the air, and that's all people need to know. When you come from a place like Taiwan, people don't necessarily go into details, because you're used to hearing different languages and accents. It makes you accept things. People tend to leave things at that unless they’re genuinely curious about you. 

You’ve mentioned that when you were growing up, this other identity of yours, your sexual orientation, was a huge part of your life, a huge force that you were trying to hide and manage. I'm curious if being multiracial has impacted how you experience your sexuality or any other identities you hold.

I don't think so. If anything, I felt that part of me was more complex than my ethnic background, which, to me, was clear-cut. I have this Black family and also this Indigenous family. Of course, both sides are rich in history, but that's as far as you would go. Whereas with my sexual orientation, it always felt like I needed to dig deeper emotionally more than I would my biracial identity. But I never separate the two, biraciality and sexuality, and look at them independently.

John’s father

That makes sense. I can see how it could be hard to parse out how being multiracial has impacted how you experience your sexuality, because you've always had both identities.

Yeah, I’ve never thought of it that way – how would one have affected the other, if at all? From what I've experienced as a kid, when kids called me racial slurs, it was never about the other part, right? And if people were to call me the F-word regarding my sexual orientation, I wouldn't think that would have anything to do with my racial background because they're focusing on the other layer. So I don't think I've ever had to experience something that incorporated the two.

Where the two intersected.

Yeah, exactly.

I can understand that. How has being multiracial been a challenge for you in your personal and or professional life?

That's a good question. I just had a conversation about job searching – I remember whenever I had to look for a new contract or new employment opportunities, I would often be one of the two top candidates. You have the phone conversations, the phone interviews, and you go through all that. Only after the in-person interview would they come back and say, “You're both equally good, but we decided to go with the other candidate who would be a better fit.” But in the back of my mind, I've always thought, “How much of that was because after they saw me in person that they decided I didn't look like them?” You never know, unless people tell you explicitly. And when you look at a name like mine, you assume I'm Anglo.

John, age 15, outside his middle school in Taiwan

But when I tutor Mandarin, I make an effort to include my middle name because it's Chinese. I write out my full name when looking for students so at least people see I have a Chinese middle name. Visually, it's more convincing than just “John Porter.”

That's how I navigate between the two. If I'm looking for work relating to linguistics, I write out my full name, but usually, it's John Porter. I thought about this – am I hiding my identity by not writing out my full name? I think it's mainly out of fear of people mispronouncing it. It's not because I'm trying to hide that part of me, because I never have.

It's interesting how you have the choice – the middle name is the signal, and you get to choose, or have the burden of having to choose, when you signal that you’re Asian.

Yeah. I mean, I've always had to take the initiative, right? Because people aren't just going to come up to me and start speaking Mandarin.

Right. You have to initiate those conversations. 

Right, because I don't look the part. And the funny thing is the attitude always changes right after that, right?

Oh yeah. “You're one of us.”

Yeah, exactly. “You speak our language – great.” Then people become friendlier. We have new neighbors that moved here a few months ago from China. By chance, I ran into the wife in the street when she was getting her mail. And I think there was hesitation on her part to speak to me until I started speaking Mandarin. I asked, “Are you Chinese?” “Yeah, we're from China.” Then I started speaking to her in Mandarin. If I have the opportunity, I will immediately jump on it. Because I want the person to feel comfortable and know I can talk to them in the language we share. And it also makes me feel included in a way.

How has being multiracial been an asset to you in your personal and or professional life?

I feel more well-rounded because I've seen different sides. I've seen the life in Taiwan I grew up in and the new life here in the States. So it helps me appreciate people's hardships or struggles they face. It also helps me have an open mind toward people around me. Everybody has their baggage, and everybody's been through different ordeals. At the end of the day, we're all just trying to survive.

John on Copper Peak

My last question for you: What advice do you have for kids or teenagers who are growing up multiracial Asian?

Growing up, I wished I was part of a community of people who were like me. Despite having met people through the foundation who were also biracial, it never felt like a community. I wish I had had mentors growing up to help me navigate different situations. I think it's finding a community – a community that understands what it's like to be an outsider – that makes being multiracial complex.

Spend less time focusing on how other people feel about you or how they think about you. Focus on your passions, your hobbies – I was lucky to have music. Be passionate about what you do. That's what we all need to do – focus on what's in front of us and live life.